CD12 and 3rd follie check

Ok, it's getting exciting. All those pokes and jabs are going to be worth it... yeah!!!!
Cd12 showed 1 on the left measuring 16 and 2 on the right measuring 15.There were 2 more on the right side but those 3 are the champs so far. We are doing 2 more nights of shots then in on Friday for follow up b/w and u/s and trigger time!!!!

I did also find out that once I get preggo I will be doing daily shots of Lovenox. Its a blood thinner that gets injected in the belly so I am not getting away from doing injections anytime soon. They gave me the med today, maybe it's a good sign :)

I will start on a low dose daily aspirin in the mean time to help with the blood in the uterus.

Will post more on Friday. Happy hump day!!!!!!!!!!!!

cd10 u/s and 2nd follie check

We had our second follie check and the good news is that we grew 2 more on the right side.
The not so good news is that none of them are ready yet for "trigger". So we are going to continue to do our shots til wednesday morning (2 more nights of "growing meds") and then have a repeat u/s with b/w done.

I am sooo bummed. I shouldn't count myself out yet but I just am so "overwhelmed" to say with everything we have had to go thru. Besides the fact that my darm hormones are all screwy with all these meds I am injecting everyday. I just can't imagine why God would make some one go through all this to bring a child into the world that can and will give them a life full of love and hope and dreams and stability and... the list can go on and on..... AND then you have the women that shouldn't be mothers (we have all seen them) or the babies (yes, young mothers) that are having babies when they haven't even experienced life yet... God and I are not seeing eye to eye right now. I haven't really "accepted" his role in our 2 miscarriages and this is not helping much.

I am dreading Wednesday.... one of two things will happen. The follies will grow alot over the next 2 days and we will give this cycle a shot with an iui OR they will cancel the cycle and I will be left devastated.

first follie check :)

Today was my first follie check ever and I had 3 follies, 2 on the right and 1 on the left.
The right had the biggest and smallest and the left had the mid size follie of the 3.
We are doing the same dose of menopur for the next 3 nights and I go back on Mondat at 7am for another follie check.....

Please follies grow big and strong!!!!! I am soo excited and on this wonderful roller coaster that I never want to get off!!!!

Injectables this cycle

I will say the Lupron shots are not bad, the Menoupr on the other hand hurts like heck. I wonder if I keep it out of the fridge longer before I do the shot if it will lessen the discomfort.
I'm going to try that tomorrow night.

So far this is our plan:
CD 1 started on July 4th. We continued with the 2 shots of Lupron until....
CD 4 our b/w came back perfect (64 E, .5 P and FSH at 5.2) so we started our Menopur at night.
CD 5 will be 5 units of Lupron in the am and 150 iu of Menopur at night
CD 6 will be 5 units of Lupron in the am and 150 iu of Menopur at night.
CD 7 will be 5 units of Lupron in the am , blood and ultrasound at 7am and then the nurse will call with amount of Menopur to take at night and when I will come back for repeat b/w and u/s. I was told every 2-3 days so I am figuring that I will have to come back probably Tuesday of next week.
I think the remainder of our cycle will fall like this:
CD 8-13 (?- maybe 11 or 12) will continue with this routine until the "trigger" shot of Ovidrel.

Then we will decide to do the iui (better probability of conception) or do it the old fashion way and wait to see if it works.

Thats when the waiting game begins. If all goes well, the testing day will be August 2nd. We got pregnant the first time last July with an August + testing so maybe it's a good sign. I can only hope :)

First day of shots

So today was our first day of shots. I was really nervous and didn't sleep much last night due to overstressing. I had decided to wake at 4am before Michael left for work and try the shot. My fear was that I wouldn't be able to do it and he would be at work and then what would I do. I don't know anyone that could give it to me.

So I tried twice. I made 2 small holes but couldn't get myself to push the needle all the way in. I sat at the dining room table with needle in one hand and my belly skin pinched in the other and just stared, trying to do it. Michael came down and said "you ok? .... let me do it for you"
Michael ended up doing it for me and I hadn't even realized he had done it. I went back to bed for about and hour or so and then went to work.

Tonight I told him I wanted to try it again. So I filled the syringe with the med and Michael was sitting there saying you can do it. Instead of sitting like this morning I stood up and he said "look into my eyes, you can do this" and with that.... I pushed the needle right in and injected the med.

I was soo excited I was able to do it for myself. I know I have Michael here and he is such a great man that he will do anything for me but I wanted to be able to overcome this. I know I have the power to do whatever it takes to get that little one (or multiples with these meds...lol).

The strength is in my heart, I just had to pull it out :)

Our Plan this cycle

We had our appt on CD18. We went thru our nursing class and we learned how to mix the meds and use the needles and insert them. All the how's of self injection. I am nervous to self inject but I know this is what I want more than life so I am hoping I can do it come Monday. Mike has switched to first shift so the morning shots are mine to do. The night ones he can adminster unless I become a pro at it then I'll do it myself :)

We are doing a medicated cycle PLUS some of my test results came back and came back high at a 49 in the blood for one of the clotting tests. This means I have some blood clotting disorder which I have to see a hemotologist for. I made that appt today so I go for my appt on 7/15 at Holy Redeemer.I looked it up on the internet and it made my head spin once again so I am just waiting until I go in to see the specialist.

Our medicated cycle is:

Start Lupron on Monday. One injection in the morning and One injection at night.

Call the RE office when my cycle starts (7-10 days after the start of the Lupron med).

First day of cycle Lupron goes to one injection daily and Menopur injections start (2 vials of 75 iu).

This lasts until my trigger shot for ovualtion.

In the meantime I will go in for blood and ultrasounds every 2-3 days and have to decided wether we will try the old fashion way once the trigger for ovualtion is given or I will bring in a sample for wash and insemination. This gives us an additional 25% chance of fertilization. The sperm is placed right near the egg and no need for swimming and loss of sperm in the cervix.

Once the shot for trigger we get the sperm where it needs to be hopefully and we wait.

2 weeks to wait and then we test.


The menopur helps you make lots of eggs and gets them to be maturer for fertilization. It better make them really big and really mature and lots opf them at $1,305 a cycle. Yes, thats for 10 doses and only the one medication, all which is NOT covered under insurance. To me it will all be worth the price just to bring a little one home. I'm planning on doing whatever it takes to be a mommy. Maybe sell a kidney? Oh wait, mine aren't very good... I'm joking (about the selling of course).. I need to keeep laughing, it helps to reduce the stress :)

I'm worried...........................

It has taken me some days to write and I know I won't be able to really explain all that is or could be going on. Mainly b/c of the unknown right now and also because this really is such an emotional roller coaster to go through. I try to explain it like wanting something your whole life, a dream of yours, the most important thing you could do or want to do in life. I'm not talking about superficial stuff or materialistic stuff... reall stuff... real life. And then one day that dream becomes reality only to be taken away. You got a taste of it and then someone plays this cruel joke and takesit away. Then again it happens. So you get tired of not wanting to feel that sorrow and pain and you search for answers. What happens when you get answers that make you feel lost but even worse scared.

I went in for my cd3 appt on Wednesday. They did blood work, an ultrasound and gave me a script for a fertility drug called clomid. The doctor said he will see me next Wednesday unless the nurse called me this afternoon. Well, at 2pm, the phone call came. She said Not to take the clomid that he wanted to do a different drug and that I would come in on CD18 instead of CD10. At first I was okay with it until she said my estrogen level was 166 and that I would have to take Lupron then Menopur and that I needed to take a nursing class for these drugs. At that point my brain froze, I really didn't understand and I have this bubbly young girl on the other end giving me this information. She wanted to scehdule the class the same day I came in for my appt, whcih made sense and I said okay but my brain was still not understanding it all. I'm not a stupid person but I just think I froze. I said to her I just didn't understand why or how or what it all meant????? Then she hit me with the normal estrogen level is under 30. She said age or endo could be a factor but that the dr doesn't think it's endo in my case. Abnromally high estrogen can distort the real picture of a woman's ovarian reserve. ............

Diminished ovarian reserve leaves only 2 options.....

Where we are at now is that we are going forward with CD18 and the injectibles this cycle to see where that puts us at. Depending on the diagnosis (diminished ovarian reserve or hypopathalmic pitutary (sp??) something) is going to determine whether my insurance will help with the costs of the meds. These meds are quite costly ifthe insurance doesn't pay part of it. They are still costly with the help of insurance but not nearly as bad if they help. I'm not sure how I will be able to give myself these needles and I have read horror stories that these meds hurt when you give them but this is something I really want so I plan on getting through at least a cycle or two doing this unless of course it's determined that it's my eggs.

We have alot of decisions we will need to make in the upcoming months.

I do want to thank my family and friends that have been supportive during this time and these months coming. I don't know what I would do without you all :)

For those that have been on this journey of ttc and RPL I hope we all get that miracle we've been praying for each and every day.

I'll post again after my appt on CD 18( june 25th)...........