a poem that hits home

I read this poem on the ttc boards I frequent and just recently found it again online while searching for information.


"An Ugly Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

Today

...was the EDD of my first pregnancy.

Angel baby, mommy and daddy love you.

follow up appt

So I had my follow up today. I waited so long in the waiting room that had 2 pregnant woman in it but felt like a room full of mommies to be. Just how I was feeling today. When I finally got in to see the doctor he did an exam and said everything healed nicely and to wait 2 months before actively trying to concieve (ttc for us webmd ladies) :)
He also wants me to see an RE. He said usually 3+miscarriages are labeled as recurrent but doctors usually don't wait until the 3rd so I got my label today as a recurrent aborter or a habitual aborter. It sounds so cold :( I hate how the medical world uses such insensitive words to describe such a tragedic event. Maybe I should try and get a petiton started and take it to the first lady. Why not change it to spontaneous loss instead of spontaneous abortion? Anyway....

He has me going to an RE (Reproductive Endocronologist) to hopefully get some answers. He does think my autoimmune disease has something to do with it but doesn't know for sure. I am staying hopeful but very scared that it is my IGA Nephropathy and will have to follow another path to achieve my dream of having a LO either by a surrogate or adoption. I guess time will tell.
June 1st can't get here fast enough :)