It's been a long time...
I stayed true to my heart until I couldn't anymore.
I stayed hopeful until the end... The end is knocking on my door.
I'm scheduled on March 1st for a total hysterectomy including both tubes, both ovaries and cervix.
I guess this is where the true healing and recovery will start.

I tried. I really tried everything.
I've had 72 months of hope followed by disappointment and heart break.
I've had 2 years of estrogen taking over my health.

Most of all- I have the most supportive and loving husband around.

My story continued and still goes on.....

Been awhile....

I don't even know where to start or when to start because it's been so long... I guess I could start that we have been unsuccessful in starting a family. Wait, it's not entirely true- my husband has two grown children that represent a part of our family. I should say I have been unable to create a child. Ok that's wrong too... I was never able to bring a child into the world. Maybe this is why I haven't blogged in a few years.... I have so much to say... So many things I've experienced in the last five years... Our journey continued , our lives changed, I've changed. Some changes were made purely for survival while other changes were out of hope. To this day, there is still hope. It sounds like desperation rather than hope. Maybe it is but you wouldn't blame me if you walked one day in my shoes..... Where should I start.... Last week I was put on continuous birth control. I decided to stop taking it after three days. This is where hope, maybe desperation came out to play... #staytuned

countdown begins

Oh the joy of ttc...... the waiting game.
Many have played, some win some don't. It's not a fun game. It's stressful, full of paranoia, over analysing tatics, and just down right torture.

So we covered what we could and while I want to feel confident, only time will tell. Looks like the countdown begins....8 to go.

cd 10

So we had every other day baby dancing on days 7 and 9. Today is day 10 and I'm feeling alittle crampy, could it be ovulation pains this early......
We are going to continue with the stress free approach this cycle. I'm not close to finding a new re but once this month is over I can tackle it full time. I really want this more than life.
One day I keep saying but that one day is never coming.....

Still have many unanswered questions and still can't fathom why????

its been awhile

Wow! I can't believe its been 5 months since I posted. We went through 2 treatment cycles neither of them got us pregnant. We were successful on our own, however that resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I really don't know why I wasn't as upset about it, maybe because i wasn't pregnant long. Needless to say, we are happy 2009 is over and looking forward to 2010.

We are offically trying again. We took the last 3 months off due to the stress of the hoidays and my work load during that time. Michael and I have talked and both decided that we are going to search for a new re. I need a specialist that understands my kidney issues. I just saw my kidney doctor and he thinks its in my best interest to find a doctor that will take all my health issues into play while helping me keep a pregnancy full term. So while I am on a search for specialists we are trying the old fashion way, lots of baby dancing. Lol.
We figure we got pregnant on our own three times, it could happen again.
I just am not ready to give up yet on this.

Stay tuned.........

CD12 and 3rd follie check

Ok, it's getting exciting. All those pokes and jabs are going to be worth it... yeah!!!!
Cd12 showed 1 on the left measuring 16 and 2 on the right measuring 15.There were 2 more on the right side but those 3 are the champs so far. We are doing 2 more nights of shots then in on Friday for follow up b/w and u/s and trigger time!!!!

I did also find out that once I get preggo I will be doing daily shots of Lovenox. Its a blood thinner that gets injected in the belly so I am not getting away from doing injections anytime soon. They gave me the med today, maybe it's a good sign :)

I will start on a low dose daily aspirin in the mean time to help with the blood in the uterus.

Will post more on Friday. Happy hump day!!!!!!!!!!!!

cd10 u/s and 2nd follie check

We had our second follie check and the good news is that we grew 2 more on the right side.
The not so good news is that none of them are ready yet for "trigger". So we are going to continue to do our shots til wednesday morning (2 more nights of "growing meds") and then have a repeat u/s with b/w done.

I am sooo bummed. I shouldn't count myself out yet but I just am so "overwhelmed" to say with everything we have had to go thru. Besides the fact that my darm hormones are all screwy with all these meds I am injecting everyday. I just can't imagine why God would make some one go through all this to bring a child into the world that can and will give them a life full of love and hope and dreams and stability and... the list can go on and on..... AND then you have the women that shouldn't be mothers (we have all seen them) or the babies (yes, young mothers) that are having babies when they haven't even experienced life yet... God and I are not seeing eye to eye right now. I haven't really "accepted" his role in our 2 miscarriages and this is not helping much.

I am dreading Wednesday.... one of two things will happen. The follies will grow alot over the next 2 days and we will give this cycle a shot with an iui OR they will cancel the cycle and I will be left devastated.